Still departing...

     Well, I'll have to say I have new-found admiration for bloggers.  I decided to start this blog about a week after Austin left, and I just want to get up to current time, but feel like I'm losing time.  Plus he's fourteen hours ahead of me; oh what a conundrum.  Sorry, I digress.
     Getting back to the month of July that Austin was here--he would say, "Oh, this isn't going to happen, I won't be going to Thailand."  I wondered if he was a bit unsure, and was going to behave in ways to make sure it wouldn't happen, or if it was a Jedi mind trick.  I've tried that method before, negating the importance of something, throwing down the gauntlet, a reverse psychology method to make it happen.
     So all the details continued, with Mike, like I said, making things happen.  With the ticket purchased for two weeks out, we anxiously waited for the visa to arrive.  In the meantime Austin enjoyed his beautiful little niece, Genevieve, Coda, surfing, Dojo martial arts classes, cookouts with friends, and one unique activity.  He and his friend, Taylor, went several times to the local Santa Cruz Flotation Center.  A sensory deprivation experience of floating in a small dark capsule-tank of shallow, heavily salted water, with a goal of freeing one's mind because of that lack of eternal stimulation.  Please refer to the movie, "Altered States" for further details.
     So, finally, all paperwork in hand and Austin packed, August 5th arrived.  His flight was at 1:15p.m. out of San Francisco, so we left Aptos at about 9:30.
     Austin said, "I don't feel too good."
     I replied, "Must be nerves."
     "I'm not nervous!"
     "Okay."
     We stopped in Newark to rendezvous with Mike for their goodbye, and to pick up all the traveler's checks he had purchased for Austin's journey.  I was getting a little concerned about time, what with trips into San Francisco always a crap shoot.  Traffic wasn't too bad and we arrived about 11:45.  With the security checkpoints at airports these days, it didn't make sense to go through parking, as we wouldn't be able to see him for long anyway.  The procedure of dropping someone off is hectic, particularly at the international departure sites, with the airport nazis threatening people for taking too long.  Kady and I dropped him at the curb with his bags, planning to make a swing around the airport, come back through and touch bases with him that all went smoothly checking in.  I had to get a photo of this departure, so Kady snapped off about four frenzied pictures of Austin and me (the nazis); one is just of our feet.  They are the worst pictures.  Austin looks good, but my non-photogenic properties reached all-time highs.  So, it was "I love you, be careful, have fun, watch your money, be careful..."
     I made the swing around the airport, getting lost into the domestic flight traffic, but then when I made it back to Austin, he was standing there waving, giving us the thumbs up.  I yelled out, "I love you!" and drove away in a surreal fog. 
     It had come to reality, and within like 200 yards I dissolved into tears.  The tears escalated to sobbing.  Kady and I were heading to Folsom to visit Marika, but all I really wanted was to do was curl up in the back seat.  I can't explain why it hit me so, so hard, I wasn't expecting it.  New York was one thing, but this.....my son was on a real journey.